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A Woman’s Secret

A Woman’s Secret
C.L. Koch
Chapter One

Dawn broke over the fog covered hills above the manor house in central England. Fingers of sunlight tickled their way through the tree branches and pushed through the windowpanes onto the sleeping face of young Hannah. She pushed the covers away, pulled a cloak over her shoulders, and stood before the single window of her bedroom and gazed up at the horned moon.
“Mother, why did you die so sudden?” A chill ran down her spine. She pulled the cloak a litter tighter.
A knock on the door turned her away from the window.
“Enter.”
The door opened, a maid stepped into the room with a curtsy.
“Yes Sarah?”
“Your father is on his way up. He asked me to wake you. Since you are already awake, would you like me anything before he arrives?”
Hannah’s eyes darted to the wedding dress hanging in the corner of the room. “Bring my breakfast up and after he leaves you may begin dressing me.”
“Yes ma’am.” Sarah bobbed her head and slipped through the doorway closing the door behind her.
Turning back to the window, she smiled gazing out across to the little family church. “Today I become Lady Hannah.”
The sound of heavy boots on the stairs rang out as a warning her father was on his way up to her. She opened the door and took a seat beside her writing table. The thought of leaving him alone in this big manor house hurt her heart. Perhaps this was best for him, having her safe, married and in France; he could get on with his life. A handsome man of his age could remarry.
“Good morrow my daughter. I would like a few moments with you before the wedding.” Edward paused inside the doorway.
Hannah stood and bowed her head. “Yes Father, of course. Would you like to have a seat?”
“No. I should like to stand for this. This should not take long.”
“As you wish Father.”
His tone gave her cause to for concern, as she remained standing in front of him. Once again, a chill ran down her spine.
This could not be good news.
Chapter Two

Sarah hesitated outside the door, balancing, on one hand, a silver serving tray that held her mistress’s breakfast, not knowing whether to let her presence known. Concentrating on holding the tray steady, she did not make a sound. Her head tilted against the sturdy English oak door, listening to the voices on the other side. Lord Bingham’s deep tones carried through the door with ease, but she was having difficulty hearing Mistress Hannah’s soft voice.
“Yes, I signed the marriage contract months ago. And yes, I know this is what you think you want. However, I have my doubts. You are my only child,” Edward said. “Perhaps you could go to court and be one of Queen Elizabeth’s ladies in waiting?”
“Father, I have never wished to go to court. Life there only brings unhappiness. This is my wedding day. I love Thomas, and want nothing more than to be his wife.” Hannah’s voice was adamant. “You have known his family for years. You continue to have business dealings with his father even though he now resides in France. I do not understand this sudden change in your opinion of him.”
“It is because of business, I am having doubts. England, the throne, business, everything is unstable. If the Privy Council should arrange a marriage with Spain for Queen Elizabeth, England could be at war with France, or the other way around. I will not have you in harm’s way.”
Sarah could hear heavy footfalls on the floor, Lord Bingham only paced when he was troubled. All of the house staff knew to tread light and become invisible when he walked the floor.
“Thomas will keep me safe. Father, you must not doubt his devotion to me.” Hannah spoke softly.
“His devotion is not in question. Any young man would want to wed a beautiful young woman who is heir to a manor and estates. William Cecil is in the process of expanding his web of informants to protect the throne. Through those he has already placed, I can neither discover where Thomas goes nor what he does when he is not involved in his father’s business.”
“You had him followed? You spied on him? You think he has chosen me to wife for money and estates?”
Sobs drifted through the door.
“Yes, Hannah I did have his activities observed. Any man interested in my only child and heir would be treated the same. Thomas is not the man I would have chosen for you, but having you in France is the only way I can see to secure your future. His father and I were friends long before his self—imposed exile to France when Mary took the throne. I know and respect the father. I do not know the son well. His movements are kept secret while he goes about his father’s business.” Edward’s voice softened. “You also know the difficulty I have saying no to you. I have never denied you anything you’ve had your heart set on, especially after your mother died, and I may be guilty of trying to make up for her death by spoiling you. This is why I had to ask you, before this goes any further, if you are certain you wish to wed today.”
“Yes, father. I love Thomas. Above all else, I wish to be his wife. I know we will have the same successful marriage you and mother had. Father please; allow Thomas a chance to prove to you what a good man he is. In time you will learn to love him as the son you never had.”
“As you wish, my dearest. I shall not ask you again. However, I have news from France. Thomas’s father has taken a turn for the worst. He has requested his son’s immediate return. I have arranged for you, Thomas, and both of your servants on board one of my carracks due to set sail on the morrow. The ship is more for cargo than for passengers. I am sure the captain shall do his best to make room for the four of you. I leave you now and go inform Thomas. You may inform Sarah of this change in departure. I do not know how she will react taking leave of her mother sooner than intended.”
There was a pause. Sarah took this cue to tap on the door.
“Come.” Hannah’s voice carried through the door.
Sarah entered the room deft hands balanced the tray. With her head down, she hurried across the room to place her mistress’s breakfast on the oak writing table beside the native rock fireplace. When she turned, Edward kissed Hannah on the forehead before he left the room.
Hannah stood in front of the window, looking out. “It is a good morrow, milady, and a bright beautiful morning for a wedding.”
“Most certainly, Sarah,” Hannah replied.
“I have brought your breakfast, milady. I cannot let you face your wedding day on an empty stomach.”
Hannah’s fingers traced the diamond—shaped, leaded, windowpanes as she turned to Sarah. “Where is everyone?”
Sarah smiled and pulled out a straight—backed chair for Hannah to sit at the table to eat. “Mother is in the garden directing the younger maids on cutting the flowers for the church and the wedding feast tables.” Sarah made her way to the large oak trunk in the corner of the room containing Hannah’s wedding clothes. “The kitchen is a beehive of activity with the cook herself queen bee. She is shouting at everyone, then praising them. However, I suppose you are more interested in the whereabouts of your young man.” Sarah flashed a wicked smile. “He is barricaded in his room, being tended to by his horrible French servant. Phillip would not even allow the maid to take in breakfast. Said he alone would ready his lord today. Oh so silly if you ask me, a grown man acting as though he were attending to the King of France himself. Thank goodness Englishmen are not so pretentious.”
“You have never been to court.” Hannah giggled while she watched Sarah lay out her kirtle, bodice, and petticoat, on the bed, arranging them with the undergarments on top, and held up the deep blue wedding dress.
Hannah sprang to her feet, poured water from the pitcher and washed her hands and face. Once completing the task, she moved to the center of her room and allowed Sarah to dress her with each layer of clothing. The wedding dress was of the finest blue linen and white lace with matching silk shoes and netherstocks.
“Oh dear.” Sarah stepped back and looked Hannah over from head to toe. Tears filled her eyes.
“What is wrong? Do I look hideous?” She looked down at the dress and turned around.
“No, milady. I was taken by surprise. You look so much like the portrait of your mother, Mistress Victoria, God rest her soul, the one hanging in your father’s study.” Sarah blinked, sniffled, and made the sign of the cross. “You have the look of her, except your hair is a darker brown, like your father’s.” Smiling, she placed her hands on her thin hips; her own young frame was covered in a modest white linen smock, under a matching dark green wool skirt with matching woolen bodice, which tugged her bodice into place. “Please sit down milady, so I can tie your slippers.”
Hannah relaxed, taking a seat on a stool. “Sarah, we are alone. Stop with the formalities, I cannot abide it today. Father has received word from France. Thomas is to return at once. This means we shall be leaving shortly after the wedding feast.”
Kneeling, Sarah nodded her head and tied the slippers into place, glanced up and quickly looked away. “There, they match perfectly. Now we must put your hair up.”
“Sarah, did you hear what I said?”
“Yes, we shall leave this day for France.”
“You have nothing further to say on the matter?”
“My mother has served your family since the day she married my father. She continued to serve after his death. I was ten years old when I began to assist your mother after you were born and have been your maid ever since. I am glad we are departing today. I have no wish to live my entire life here, ending up wed to some man of your father’s choosing. Living a life as my mother has, never knowing what the rest of the world is like. I want more in my life. My mother knows this. She does not agree with me but she accepts what is in my nature to do.”
“I wish for your courage. I have doubts of what our lives hold for us.”
“Milady, please. All will be well for you.”
Hannah whispered. “Check the hallway, we must speak.”
Frowning, Sarah went to the door. She peered both ways, closed the door and eased the latch into place.
Hannah moved to the bed and patted the coverlet indicating Sarah should sit. Sarah did so with her hands folded in her lap.
In hushed tones, Hannah spoke. “I must do my duty as a wife. I can run a household, manage the expenses and the like. But there are other wifely duties I must also carry out. I have heard the maids talking about the intimacies transpiring between a man and a woman. They speak of private duties, lewd wanton ways, and consummating the marriage.” Hannah blushed.
“They giggle and tell tales of amorous attentions and trysts in the fields. They prattle on about barn animals. Do not listen to them.” Sarah’s tone was serious.
“I am afraid. Sarah, I am so afraid. I have also overheard conversations about how some women do not enjoy intimacy, while others are wanton. I hope Thomas will be gentle and patient with me.” She paused.
“But what if I disappoint him? What if I am wanton and he turns away from me? What if I am not to his liking?” She blushed seeing the look of shock on Sarah’s face. “There, I said it aloud.” Hannah exhaled.
“I see.” Sarah reached out and took her hand. “It is expected for you to be experiencing these emotions. Be assured, all brides ask these same questions. They have done so in the past and will continue to do so in the future. Your mother’s premature death has left your education wanting.”
“I think what I truly need to know is what to do? I have no one else to ask.” She squeezed Sarah’s hand.
It was Sarah’s turn to take a deep breath. “Intimacy is a natural act between man and woman. Women come to the marriage bed virginal. The same is not true for the groom.”
She jerked her hand back. “Have care, Sarah. Are you trying to tell me Thomas has been unfaithful to me?”
“No, no, of course not. I am only saying, experience with such matters is a man’s duty. Men are expected to have had their frolicking fun with other women before taking a wife. Some continue to do so by taking a mistress. You remember the stories about King Henry. Does anyone truly know how many women graced his bed over the course of his life?” Sarah smiled. “Think about it. Can you picture a member of the court standing outside the king’s bedchamber? Parchment and quill in hand, making little tally marks when women departed after the deed was done.”
Hannah laughed. “Thank you. I needed something to lighten the moment. You are right. He will have had experience in this area and I have nothing to fear.” Hannah leaned over and hugged Sarah. “Tonight it will all be over.”
“This is not an arranged marriage. You love him! He loves you. He will cherish you as his wife. All will be well.” Sarah took her by the hands and pulled her to her feet. Hannah took a seat on the stool and their conversation turned to the design of hair.
The loud knock drew Hannah’s attention. She turned to Sarah and nodded in the direction of the door. Sarah opened it, bowed to Lord Bingham and then she slipped in silence out into the hallway closing the door.
Edward stood with his hands behind his back; he was dressed in black, his custom since the death of her mother. More than a year had passed since she died. He should have put away his mourning clothes.
Hannah put on her brightest smile. Still he cannot bring himself to end his mourning. Not even for my wedding. Constant in his grief, the years have been kind to his face. He has only a few wrinkles about the corners of his eyes when he smiles. She watched his eyes take in every inch of her.
He smiled. “I had no idea you were planning to wear your mother’s dress. You are beautiful my dear.” He took a deep breath. “There is a scent of lavender. Victoria loved lavender.”
“I found dried sprigs in the trunk when Sarah and I were making ready for today.” Her long thin fingers trembled under her father’s gaze. He wavered. She clutched his arm. “Father, are you well? Do you need to sit?”
“No, no, I’m fine.” He patted her hand to reassure her. “It is just — I saw you standing there, and for a moment, the room began to spin and my vision narrowed, taking me back in time to another beautiful woman standing before me wearing same dress with the smell of lavender about her. She smiled the exact same smile. Her green eyes looking up at me. For a moment, I thought you were your mother. You look so much like her. You are as beautiful as she was in this dress.”
“Except my hair is darker than mother’s.” Relieved her father was not ill, she could not help but regret her mother was not here today.
Edward put his arms around her and embraced her. She returned his hug, and could feel the warmth and love pour from him. He took a step back and presented a small dark leather box. “I believe this will add the finishing touch.” He handed it to her with a smile.
She raised the lid. Her heart leapt when she recognized the five green teardrop emeralds dangling from a silver chain laying on a bed of black velvet.
“Oh! Father, it is beautiful! I remember the last time mother wore this. It was our dressmaking trip to London two years ago. You introduced us to Thomas.”
“These are the emeralds I gave your mother on our wedding night. They are yours now. I know she would have given them to you and would be honored for you to wear them today.” He took the necklace out of the box, stepped behind her and fastened it around her neck.
Hannah crossed the room to stand before the mirror of polished silver. Her mother’s face looked back at her. Her own dark hair hung in curls from the crown of her head where tiny white wild flowers were set in contrast. Tears overcame her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. She turned to her father, whose eyes had also pooled with tears. “Thank you Father, I am the one who is honored to wear them.”
Edward stepped forward and placed his weathered hands on her small shoulders. She looked up at him. A hint of concern the only blot in his firm shaven face.
His black doublet was spotless and fitted his still muscular frame well. He looked down at her, standing straight and tall, every inch of him imposing.
His face softened and kissed his daughter’s forehead. Then, stepping to her side, he held out his hand for hers.
“All are awaiting the bride, if you are ready?”
Placing her hand on his she looked about the bedchamber.
Oh mother, how I wish you were here this day.
“Yes father, I am ready.”

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